building the faith

I have decided to blog.  Sometimes it may be about running, daily life, or just random thoughts.

Building the faith is a good start for me right now.

The end of this running season did not go as planned.  I had a few running injuries towards the latter part of the summer, but i think these injuries masked other issues that made me give up on what i really wanted.

This was the first running season where i went out on consistent runs and really began to love running again.  Last year after a long break from running, i eased into the sport.  I would run whenever i had time and signed up for two races. Towards the end of that year, i found a groove with running- no longer was i just going for a run when i had time, but i was making time to run. Running became a part of who i was again, and it was a feeling i missed.

2014 was the year that i would sign up for a few more races and consistently train to qualify for Boston.  I was on a runners high, and it was such a great feeling.  I was definitely on pace to qualify and i had plans to do more than just meet the BQ time.

But what about other parts of my life?

I am blessed- amazing husband and 5 year old daughter.  I feel happy.  I feel complete.

but...

I had this nagging feeling that i needed to think about expanding my family.    Give a sibling to my daughter.  I have already waited an insanely long time to space out my second child.  In my head last year, I thought I would have a great year of running and slow the momentum down again to have another baby.  I slowed right down just a few weeks before the big marathons.  Eventually just stopped- maybe preparing myself, i don't know.

In a way i gave up at the end.  I did not want this season to end, and there was time ticking away like it was some sort of time bomb.   You see,  it took a while for the momentum to start after i gave up running.  I was afraid that if i stopped now, after i just started to enjoy it,  that maybe i would not get it back for a long time again.

selfish.
.
So right now, i am building the faith
-that the decision to have only one child is OK for my daughter and one we won't regret
-that anything can happen in the future.  There are other ways to add to our family without going through a pregnancy if we decide a few more years down the road that we want another human to care for.

I don't want this post to became about people thinking i believe having kids takes time away from enjoying your life.  I could not be more lucky to have a beautiful daughter in my life.  She has become a huge inspiration for me.  Often times, my biggest cheerleader (i think she loves watching me race as much as i love racing).  I love being her mother and teacher (we homeschool). I just don't know if i can do that times two.  I have been told that having one child is unfair, and i still waiver between if what i am doing is right, or if i need to listen to all those 'only child syndrome' stories.

There is only one thing i am sure of

I have some unfinished business to take care of.  I have been inspired by other people and i know that my goals are attainable.  Prasheel i have that "If i can do it, you can too" melody in my head as i think of 2015 goals.

So building the faith begins now.

Faith In 3:05
Margarita