I have decided to blog. Sometimes it may be about running, daily life, or just random thoughts.
Building the faith is a good start for me right now.
The end of this running season did not go as planned. I had a few running injuries towards the latter part of the summer, but i think these injuries masked other issues that made me give up on what i really wanted.
This was the first running season where i went out on consistent runs and really began to love running again. Last year after a long break from running, i eased into the sport. I would run whenever i had time and signed up for two races. Towards the end of that year, i found a groove with running- no longer was i just going for a run when i had time, but i was making time to run. Running became a part of who i was again, and it was a feeling i missed.
2014 was the year that i would sign up for a few more races and consistently train to qualify for Boston. I was on a runners high, and it was such a great feeling. I was definitely on pace to qualify and i had plans to do more than just meet the BQ time.
But what about other parts of my life?
I am blessed- amazing husband and 5 year old daughter. I feel happy. I feel complete.
but...
I had this nagging feeling that i needed to think about expanding my family. Give a sibling to my daughter. I have already waited an insanely long time to space out my second child. In my head last year, I thought I would have a great year of running and slow the momentum down again to have another baby. I slowed right down just a few weeks before the big marathons. Eventually just stopped- maybe preparing myself, i don't know.
In a way i gave up at the end. I did not want this season to end, and there was time ticking away like it was some sort of time bomb. You see, it took a while for the momentum to start after i gave up running. I was afraid that if i stopped now, after i just started to enjoy it, that maybe i would not get it back for a long time again.
selfish.
.
So right now, i am building the faith
-that the decision to have only one child is OK for my daughter and one we won't regret
-that anything can happen in the future. There are other ways to add to our family without going through a pregnancy if we decide a few more years down the road that we want another human to care for.
I don't want this post to became about people thinking i believe having kids takes time away from enjoying your life. I could not be more lucky to have a beautiful daughter in my life. She has become a huge inspiration for me. Often times, my biggest cheerleader (i think she loves watching me race as much as i love racing). I love being her mother and teacher (we homeschool). I just don't know if i can do that times two. I have been told that having one child is unfair, and i still waiver between if what i am doing is right, or if i need to listen to all those 'only child syndrome' stories.
There is only one thing i am sure of
I have some unfinished business to take care of. I have been inspired by other people and i know that my goals are attainable. Prasheel i have that "If i can do it, you can too" melody in my head as i think of 2015 goals.
So building the faith begins now.
Faith In 3:05
Margarita
